it’s not fair…

I’m watching “Dear John” for the second time today. Pathetic? Probably. But I like it.

The music, the story line, the actors…it’s good. And even though I’ve seen it at least fifteen times, I still cry at the same parts. Yes, there’s the cheesy, Nicholas-Sparks-like love story, but despite that, there’s something deeper that resonates within me.

It’s the twist in the story line, when the good guy doesn’t get the girl. Despite all of his perfect qualities and the deep connection between the two, the girl chooses someone else. And it reminds me that life is like that sometimes. Life is not always fair.

I get it…because today, I lost my apartment key. Perhaps this is no surprise to those who know me well. (Refer to earlier blog) And maybe, this loss is nothing like losing a love.

But it made me sad…no actually it made me angry that this could happen. I had the key labeled and hooked on my key chain. I did everything to prevent this from happening. Yet, when I went to unlock my door, I realized the key was nowhere to be found.

I couldn’t help my mind from racing through all the “good” things I had done earlier in the day, the week, and the month, for that matter. I got on a roll listing off how great I am, rationalizing why something annoying & inconvenient like this should not have happened to me.

Then I checked my email…only to read another email of a job opportunity that I did not receive. I could have moved on to checking the rest of the mail in my inbox, but instead, I grabbed the mental list I made a few minutes earlier and continued right where I left off.

It wasn’t until my list was finished, that I sighed loudly and realized how ridiculous I am. How could I spend 8 days with beautiful, hardworking people, learning how they overcome difficulty only to push it to the back of my memory as I lamented over my difficulty? How could I meet people who walk miles to get clean water and then complain about a lost key? How could I hug the child who was abandoned by her parents and then call my mom just to complain to her? How could I serve a meal to homeless people with no job, and then cry because I didn’t get this one job? Who am I? Am I really that girl?

Since when did life start revolving around me? Did anybody ever say life would be fair?

But when I really think about life not being fair, I smile.

Yes, I lost a key. Yes, I got rejected. And no, life is not fair. The reason I know this is not because poor, pathetic inconveniences occur in my life. No, the reason I know life is not fair is because I am a sinner deserving separation from God, yet I have been redeemed by the blood of Jesus.

As said so eloquently by Relient K, “The beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.”

Instead of moping around because things aren’t happening the way I’d prefer, I can rejoice in the fact that life isn’t fair. I can celebrate the grace I’ve been given. I can acknowledge the tough times, the social injustices around the world, and the difficulties that come with trials. But then, I can smile. There is mercy for the undeserving. There are second chances for us who have messed up. There is healing and restoration because Someone died. It’s not fair that Someone, perfect and faultless, would pay the price for my sins.

Sometimes, it’s not fair.
And so I smile and sing.

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