beautiful

I’ve been so busy looking around that I almost missed it.

I’ve looked at my own problems for so long that scale-like things have slowly formed across my eyes. And just when I could barely see out of myself, something happened.

This could be a sweet story about a dazzling, almost blinding bright light that shone in my darkness. Or about a huge thunderstorm that spoke loudly to the depths of my soul. The story could be aobut a song, or a conversation, or a vision. But it’s not.

The ‘something’ that happened was just a small flicker of light somewhere inside of me. I realized how much I’ve been squandering this gift of life. I ahve been looking around my own little bubble with the sadness and hopelessness and it has obscured my vision. There have been days when I’ve felt like my life has turned to dust. I’ve been so troubled and annoyed by my circumstances that I’ve almost missed out on something so beautiful. There is so much goodness right in front of me. And I almost missed it.

I always thought I knew how to celebrate. But then I read the inspiration for this blog, a book called “Cold Tangerines” by Shauna Niequist. She talks a lot about celebration. And her words are much better than mine.

“Celebration when you think you’re calling the shots? Easy. Celebration when your plan is working? Anyone can do that. But when you realize that the story of your life could be told a thousand different ways, that you could tell it over and over as a tragedy, but you choose to call it an epic, that’s when you start to learn what celebration is. When what you see in front of you is so far outside of what you dreamed, but you have the belief, the boldness, the courage to call it beautiful instead of calling it wrong, that’s celebration.” (pg. 178)

Last night, I decided some of the these things I’ve been calling curses may actually be blessings. And some of these things may actually be curses, but I am going to choose to bring a blessing from this. Because that’s the story of God…water from a stone, healing from wounds, wine from water, life from a tomb.

I think this season of my life is hard. And it’s not always beautiful. But I have been so busy focusing on that, that I almost missed the goodness. Weddings, baseball, birthdays, old friends, taste buds, backyard parties, bike rides, lobster, dances, registered nurse license, fishing, family. I smile today, because I am alive. I celebrate, even though my circumstances are the same. I rejoice in a God who is teaching me to see the goodness right in front of me. I’m calling this season beautiful because God is in the midst of it. In the darkness of uncertainty, God meets me, and He is beautiful.

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