lately…

Usually, I eat my reeses peanut butter cup by first eating the chocolate off the sides, then the top, and then the bottom. Then, and only then, I eat the delicious peanut buttery center.
But not lately…
Lately, I take 3 bites and the reeses peanut butter cup is gone.

Usually, I watch Dan in Real Life a couple times a week as I’m cleaning, napping, scrapbooking, or blogging. Usually I quote every line and laugh at the many funny parts.
But not lately…
Lately, Dan in Real Life hasn’t left my basket of DVDs. In fact, it’s been over a month since I last watched it.

Usually, I read…a lot. On any given day, I can begin talking on a whim about the latest chapter out of one of the several books I’m currently reading.
But not lately…
Lately, I have stared at my stack of books, untouched in the last few weeks.

Lately is a word that explains the recent past. It suggests reflection and comparison. And as I reflect and compare my plans, dreams, habits, and expectations with reality…I’m left making a face resembling a 2 year old pouting. Lately, I’ve been in a funk. Things are not as I hoped they would be. And every day presents the choice to praise God or wallow in self-pity. This season of my life is pruning and refining me and it’s painful and uncomfortable. With lots of questions and lots of silence, I keep coming to God. Because no matter what I say to Him, no matter how honest I am, He loves me and gives me more grace. His ego is not hurt by my questions, nor is He offended by my honesty.

There’s a song I keep singing in my head called “No Matter What” by Kerrie Roberts. The lyrics resonate in my soul…may you be blessed by them. May you claim these truths for your life. May the Lord remind You of His unfailing love and His steadfastness in the midst of uncertainty.

“I’m running back to Your promises one more time
Lord that’s all I can hold on to
I gotta say this has taken me by surprise
But nothing surprises You

Before a heartache can ever touch my life
It has to go through Your hands
And even though I keep asking why
I keep asking why

No matter what, I’m gonna love You
No matter what, I’m gonna need You
I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain
But if not, I trust You
No matter what, no matter what

When I’m stuck and there’s nothing else by myself
I’m just sitting in silence
There’s no way I can make it without Your help
I won’t even try it

I know You have reasons for everything
So I will keep believing
Whatever I might be feeling, God, You are my hope
And You will be my strength

Anything I don’t have You can give it to me
But it’s okay if You don’t, I’m not here for those things
The touch of Your love is enough on its own
No matter what I still love You and I’m gonna need You”

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